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Thread: Empathy

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    Senior Member Webhead's Avatar
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    Empathy

    I think a lot of us here (what few of us are left) are obviously very technically minded people. When you see a problem, your instinct is to fix it. I know because I want to fix everything too. Wanting to fix things even happens when you see someone with a problem. I think this is either a guy thing, or a geek thing or maybe a little bit of both. You want to either fix the person or the problem and make everything better. It's just the natural reaction. Thing is though, not everything needs to be fixed. Not everything CAN be fixed. Sometimes people just want to talk and aren't looking for someone else to fix or solve their problems. This is where empathy comes in.

    Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is when you feel sad for someone and take pity with someone or feel sorry for someone. Empathy is just having the ability to relate to someone and to be able to understand them and listen to them. The ability to give someone else your time as they try to find their way through whatever it is they are going through. Empathy is something that is really lacking in society these days in my opinion.

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    I think both are.

    We need more sympathy in the world as well. Too much pandering not enough sympathy.

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    Junior Member Semper Fi's Avatar
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    Hey man, you take that sh!t to a bar, you're certain to go home with someone. Someone perhaps with some baggage that needs someone to listen to them, but someone none the less!

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    Senior Member Webhead's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Larommi View Post
    I think both are.

    We need more sympathy in the world as well. Too much pandering not enough sympathy.
    Do you have an example? Maybe more sympathy would lead to more empathy possibly?

    Just to add though, I'm kinda on the fence about sympathy. In other words, I know people that won't help themselves at all and just want everyone to feel sorry for them. That's not a good place to be for anyone. I'll be sympathetic to people who want to help themselves. But if people aren't even trying, then forget it. I got problems too. But as a society, if we were more empathetic, then maybe that would lead to more altruism which would lead to higher confidence and better things for everyone.

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    Senior Member Webhead's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Semper Fi View Post
    Hey man, you take that sh!t to a bar, you're certain to go home with someone. Someone perhaps with some baggage that needs someone to listen to them, but someone none the less!
    I'm not really talking about that though. Here's an example: Let's say you have a friend who is trying to cope with life but is having a tough time. They are sincerely trying but just have a list of problems to deal with. As a friend, you can 1> try to fix them and their problems or 2> just sit back and listen to what they have to say. My opinion is that there is too much of 1 happening and not enough of 2. We all want to "fix" everything but not everything always can be fixed (or even should be). Some things just need to take their natural course. And we need to have more ability to lend our time and ear to those who need it.

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    Junior Member Semper Fi's Avatar
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    IMHO it's the contrary. People aren't willing to accept help that is needed when it is suggested. For example, my mom was a hoarder...bigtime bad, and living miserably, passageways through each of the three bedrooms, dad slept in the living room. I've been on my mom for 10 years to get this going...finally she accepted a little help, but we only made minor progress because of her. Finances, I asked her to let me get involved a few years ago, nope, she racked up debt and sat idly by while my dad racked up debt due to sever dementia.

    It took her going to the hospital and skilled nursing for 3 months, and I gutted her house, got new carpet in to replace the 40 year old shit. I ran discovery and balanced her finances, eliminating over $8000 of debt in under 8 months with their current income not changing, by simply getting shit done. With no obstructions. She’s happier for it, but if we had been working on this years ago her quality of life would have been much better over the long run, and I wouldn’t have had to scramble to get shit done in such a short period of time.

    In short, empathy doesn’t get shit corrected…people need to fix what’s broken and their life WILL improve.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Webhead's Avatar
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    First of all, this quoting posts bug is bullsh*t. I just lost everything I wrote. So annoying. I forgot to select all and copy before hitting submit. Uhg.

    Anyway, I will try to rewrite it. So you are saying f*ck taking the time to listen to her and make her feel appreciated. It's easier to just force your will on her and get the problems fixed so you can move on to the next thing?

    I'm glad we are talking about this. It's good to hear the honest feedback. I think this is an important discussion that should be had in our country.
    Last edited by Webhead; 04-24-2014 at 08:45 PM.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Semper Fi's Avatar
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    Dude, empathy was the last 10-15 years me calmly letting her know i was there for her willing to help in any way I could and her telling me she just couldn't do it yet. She checked out both physically and mentally, and left my dad at home with no way to fend for himself. Cable got shut off during week 2 and he called 911...we were checking on him every single day, taking him to see my mom in the various facilities, nowhere did she tell me where anything was, and what might come up due...he called 911and i had to smooth it over with cops at his house because she didn't pay the cable bill for the last 2 months, before she went into the hospital...

    All I’m saying is, i had empathy until i was blue in the face...and it got me nowhere. I had to take over when the shit hit the fan...and i was WAY behind the curve because of it.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Webhead's Avatar
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    I see what you're saying. Sorry to hear your family had to go through all that.

  10. #10
    Junior Member Semper Fi's Avatar
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    Sorry man, didn't mean to go thick blood vessel rant on your topic. I agree with what you say to the point that if someone wants to help, they have to cross that 50/50 line and solicit it...as for those that want to help, the majority of the time should stay on that 49% side...and not force the other into something they are not ready for. Every circumstance differs, and none are ever purely black and white…but when you identify a necessity…my case 911 for cutoff babysitter for my dad…and an indefinite stay in medical care…I couldn’t go part way into it…had to go all the way, had to go my way…

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