Personally the approach I TRY to take is to first listen and empathize and then offering help in fixing the problems. "I understand how hard this is. Personally I think there are a few things that could maybe make the situation a little bit better. I'd love to help if you'd let me"
The main point I'm trying to make (because it's something I'm guilty of too) is that when a person has a problem, we shouldn't rush to try to "fix" it. It just adds pressure to the person and might even make their problems feel worse. We should just be there and listen and nothing more. I'm only saying this because I see this happening all the time everywhere. People who are relatively stable make it their mission to fix those who are distressed. It's a noble effort but it doesn't necessarily help the person. I just don't think it's a good way to handle it. It just makes people more frustrated and doesn't help and over time compounds.Originally Posted by Semper Fi
I think just being empathetic and listening helps the person more than we realize.
I don't disagree but I also come at it from a different perspective. While Aidan was going through treatment our family was under an enormous amount of stress and it wasn't just emotional stress. It was also the stress of trying to juggle everyday normal life around an insane schedule of hospitalizations sometimes being away from home for weeks at a time. "just listening" gets old. We didn't need people to listen we needed HELP. We needed someone to just make us dinner so that we didn't have to worry about that after getting out of the hospital. We needed someone to watch Dylan without being stuck of the middle of a big negotiation over who was getting him and when. I needed people at work to say "how about I take X off your hands for you" At some point actions spoke much louder than words or empathy. Because aside from the families we met on the oncology floor no one could REALLY be empathatic anyway. Most people can't possibly understand what that's like...ya know?
So while listening is indeed important, I also think offering to help solve a problem is also an important kindness to offer.
Hell yeah, perfect point's 74AD.
Oh yeah, I totally understand what you mean. You guys were dealing with a crisis. I mean, like the worst possible scenario. Your family had a mountain dropped on top of you. And for what it's worth, I think you guys handled it like freaking superheroes!!! I can't tell you how much admiration I have for you guys for how you got through that. And I do understand what you're saying.... Like for example, if I was in a car wreck and trapped under a car, of course I'd want help and not just someone to sit there and "listen". Like, yeah thanks for listening but can you help me get this car off of me? I think I'm more talking about things like breakups, depression, substance abuse, etc. Just the things that are common in everyday adult life.
Hey Webs, look into something called EQ. It is something growing in the business world that you might really identify with.
Interesting. I'll look into it. Sounds promising.
Hmmm...I might understand. Life is not easy and has it's moments that are, at the very least, extremely heavy and hard to slough through. It is the coming out of the other side that is what makes it, if not a worthwhile life lesson, a profile in personal courage. You shared your problems far and wide and have been showered with loving thoughts, some of us are more private and endure in quiet strength taking solace where we can. Meanwhile, the trials and tribulations continue! The beatings will continue until the morale picks up around here!
Yeah you definitely understand. And I just want to say that while I totally respect your choice to "endure in quiet strength" I am here to do whatever I can to help.
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