Post your jokes here

[Muppet]

Clem and Luke had been friends since grade school, but after they graduated High School, Luke went to the University of Texas at Austin to study law, and Clem went to Texas A&M to major in Animal Husbandry, because he really wanted to be a pig farmer.

Nevertheless, they stayed in contact, and they both lived their dream. Luke had a successful law practice, Clem was a successful hog producer. They hadn't seen each other in a few years, but one day Luke called up Clem and said, "I'm taking two weeks off, and I want to come visit the farm."

So, a few days later Luke shows up at the farm, and it's just like old times again. The next morning, Clem wakes up Luke to help with the chores, and they drive the pigs to a large grove of oak tree. Then Clem picks up one of the hogs and holds it up into the oak tree while it eats acorns. Then he puts down the pig and repeats the routine with another hog.

So Luke says, "What are you doing?"

Clem says, "I'm feeding the hogs acorns. They are free, very nutritious, and the pigs like 'em"

Luke says, "Well, I get that, but isn't it pretty time consuming?"

"I guess it is," replied Clem, "but Hell, what's time to a pig?"

I dont get it

[slgrieb]

I dont get it

All I can say is that, apparently, you are blonde and an Aggie.

[Gazzak]

I dont get it

Trust me, you don't want to!

[slgrieb]

Once upon a time, a young man went to Texas A&M with dreams of being a commercial chicken farmer. After graduation, he bought a nice piece of land, and a few hundred chicks. So, he buried the chicks about 6 inches down, watered and fertilized them faithfully, but they didn't come up. So, the next time around, he decided that he should have planted the chicks head up. Alas, the results were no better. In desperation, he wrote a letter to the Texas A&M Extension Service explaining the problem. Their response was "send us a soil sample."

[slgrieb]

Notre Dame Cathedral needed a bell ringer. There were many applicants, but all were found wanting until one day an ugly hunchback applied for the job. At first, he was laughed at, but he promised to demonstrate his ability, so he was given access to the bell tower. Ignoring the bell ropes, the hunchback rang the bells by leaping among them, striking his head against the bells to sound them. Unfortunately after a dozen or so passes, he missed the bell and fell down the bell tower to his death. As the clergy were collecting his remains, one of the lay brothers said, "I could swear I know this guy! I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!"

Two weeks later, the job is still open, and lo! there's another ugly hunchback applying for the job. He says, "Hey! My brother was a Hell of a bellringer, and I'm even better!" So he gets an audition, and he uses the same technique as his brother. Unfortunately, after 20 successful rings, he misses a bell and falls to his death. As the body is picked up, the same lay brother says, "Man, I still feel like I should know this guy! Can't put a name to the face, but he's a dead ringer for his brother!"

[slgrieb]

Q: What do you get if you cross an Aggie with a pig?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

[slgrieb]

Q: What do you call an Irishman who does nothing but sit on the porch and drink all day?
A: Paddy O'Furniture.

[slgrieb]

A blonde is driving one of her girlfriends home after dinner one night, when a cop car pulls up behind her and starts flashing its lights. She pulls over, and the cop gets out of the car with a big grin on his face and unzips his pants. The blonde looks at her friend and says, "Oh, Hell. Not another breathalyzer test!"

[slgrieb]

A Catholic priest and a rabbi end up sitting next to each other on a transcontinental flight. They strike up a conversation, and after a couple of drinks, the priest says, "You don't have to answer, but have you ever eaten bacon?" After a few moments of silence, the rabbi says "Yes, I had to try it just once, but it was only one time."

More silence, another round of drinks and the rabbi says, "Well, maybe before you were ordained, did you ever have a woman?" And the priest says, "Before I entered the clergy I was in love, and I enjoyed the favors of her body."

The rabbi says, "You have to admit it was better than bacon."

[Pinnacle-Project]

INVOLUNTARY MUSCULAR CONTRACTIONS

A professor at the University of British Columbia was giving a lecture
on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.
Realizing this was not the most riveting subject,
the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,
'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably moose hunting with his buddies.'
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom...